If You Are Waiting For Something Big To Happen, Read This.
If you are waiting for something big, something soul aligned, something true to you, something that you know is destined for you, this message is for you. If you are waiting for a baby, a love, a soul mate, a soul friend, a promotion, a house, a bigger business, something new you want to work towards, something big... It can feel like it's not coming. It can feel like it might not be meant for you. It can feel like you might have to wait forever.
I have a story for you and parts of it I haven't ever shared before. (Also, just a warning, I share about losing a child in the paragraphs below.)
My husband Tony and I met in late 2006 after I made a trans-American move from Boston, Massachusetts to Anchorage, Alaska. I had recently experienced the end of an eight year long on-and-off-again relationship with a man and made a move to Alaska because my parents were there. Tony and I started dating in a whirlwind in the early part of 2007. At that time, Tony was in the Air Force and had moved to Alaska a year prior from Korea.
In the early autumn before I met Tony, I wrote in my journal about the man I desired to walk into my life. I was very detailed. At first, right after we met, I almost missed that the man I describe in my journal was Tony. It took some time to get to know him and he was sweetly persistent that I was the one for him. In time I realized he was the man I dreamed up in my journal. And funny enough, if one event had happened in a different way, if he had been chosen to move to Europe after his year in Korea like he wanted, or if I had decided to not move to Alaska, we wouldn't have met at all.
The winter of 2007 was cozy. We loved hanging out together, and went on frigid adventures to find glaciers. We didn't know where we were headed, but in February of 2007 we found out two things (1) I was pregnant after about a month of serious dating and (2) Tony just received orders to spend 4 months in Iraq starting in May. I didn't want to rush things. I was fine having his baby, but I sure wasn't ready for marriage! So, Tony went off to Iraq and I stayed in Anchorage, worked as a psychotherapist at a local hospital and became the vessel for our little girl.
Before I became pregnant, I was ambivalent about being a mother. But, once I started to feel the micro changes in my body, I fell deeply in love with this soul inside me. We were cosmically connected and I had a fierce need to protect her. In August of 2007, I was six months pregnant and to make a very sad story short, we discovered our little girl wasn't going to live outside of my body. She had a rare, genetic form of a lethal, skeletal dysplasia and her organs were outgrowing her bones. We named her Hazel, and she died on August 15, 2007. Tony came home from Iraq in September, and we were married in a sweet chapel in Hawaii in October. One of the most beautiful gifts Hazel offered me, was this gorgeous, soulful man who was able to take care of me through the phone and internet lines during our intense grief. I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.
After losing Hazel, I was plagued with the desire to be a mother. I wanted it deep in my bones. I wanted to fill the hole that Hazel left. I wanted to nurture a being for life. I walked by beautifully fertile and pregnant women and thought "Why not me? What's wrong with me? Why can't I have a healthy baby? And, why did she have to go?"
I wanted to be a mother so desperately. Just like I had wildly wanted to be in a happy relationship, before Tony came along. I knew in my heart they were out there... the soul connected family of my own... but I didn't know how they were going to come to me, and I wasn't 100 percent sure they'd find me. For each person I wanted in my life, the life long love and then the babies, I harbored so much anxious fear that they wouldn't find me. I worried I wouldn't do the right thing, or that I would screw it up and they wouldn't come. I fretted that I would be alone forever, and that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to be alone.
But they came. And they came once I became an energetic match for them.
Tony came to me. Hazel came, and Jack and Liam came a little later. They all came. All of that desperation and need plagued me, but they just had to arrive at the right time.
And, that's what I want you to know.
If you desire it fully, and know in the depths of your soul that it's meant for you... it's coming. It might come in a way or in a form that you didn't expect, but it's coming. What's meant for you will not pass you by.
The baby. The child. The love. The relationship. The successful business. The promotion. The best soul mate friend. The right idea. The move. The shift. They are all coming. Don't give up before the manifestation arrives. Allow for the lessons to teach you what you need to know, but don't give up.
It isn't about luck, or blessings, or any other form of specialness. You don't have to "do it by the rules" or know what the magical concoction is. You can't screw it up.
Here's some energetic steps you can do to attract in that soul thing your are desiring:
1.) Be super clear what you desire (like I did in my journal about my soul partner).
2.) Feel into the experience of having what you desire in your life, and hold it.
3.) Let go of the feeling of lack, or unworthiness or just plain anxiousness. Let go of the idea that it isn't meant for you. It's either this or something better.
4.) Allow yourself to know it's coming. It's on it's way. She's on her way. He's on his way.
5.) Make room in your life for it to arrive so that you're ready.
6.) And hold in your heart the knowledge that it's out there energetically.
And, if you feel a deep sense of lack (similar to what I did every time I walked by a pregnant woman after losing Hazel, which seemed like in the winter of 2008, every single woman I passed by was pregnant), use examples out in the world not as a symbol of your lack, but a symbol of hope.
Also, this a story to go deeper into at another time, but I did a lot of spiritual healing around my sweet Hazel, to know that she is always with me. I can feel her in every rain drop and gust of wind, see her in every snowflake and flower, and feel her energetically as an integral part of our family.
I love you.