The Magazine

This story was originally shared as three part series on social media.

So, it was the Fall of 1996 and I was a freshman in college at TCU. It was a crisp November morning. I was there and waiting for her at 8 o’clock exactly. I was not doing well in her class. She had decided that I was a terrible writer. I was a terrible advocate for feminism and for the women’s movement. I was too soft. Too cliché. Too dumb. She had expressed as much in class.

She told me if I didn’t meet her for this 8am meeting, I would likely fail her class. She was not impressed that I didn’t speak up without being called on and when I did, I was full of ridiculous thoughts that no self respecting feminist would utter.

So, I was there at 8am on the dot. I didn’t want to fail my Women’s Writers class. It was my first semester of my first year of college, and honestly, I had never failed anything before.

She didn’t show up until 8:30. She was surprised I was there. She didn’t think I’d show. She was sheepish about being a half hour late.

She had no idea that my insides were betraying me and that I should have been in bed. That I had lost 15 pounds since the beginning of the semester. That I was really sick. I had no idea either.

She had no idea that I was doing my best and that speaking up was the hardest thing I possibly could do. My 19 year old self was quaking in my shoes. I had no idea what to say, and any smart thought disappeared from my mind the minute all of my classmates eyes were on me.

Showing up for the 8am meeting and then waiting a half hour for her to show up went far and beyond her expectations. She told me exactly what to do to pass her class, and I did it to a T. I received a final grade of a C and I was over the moon.

She got fired after the semester she taught me. Apparently the way she treated some of her students in her classes had raised the eyebrows of a few parents and they complained.

But, when I returned the next semester, I was smarter. Brighter. Savvier. I knew what to say. I studied the right answers. I wasn’t quite as shy nor quite as sweet.

I became bound to being the best. I became bound to fitting in. I became bound to not being embarrassed in a classroom ever again.

And those binds transcended to other parts of my life. Be the perfect girlfriend. Be the best writer. Be fast. Work hard. Become like everyone else.

I became spellbound.

Spellbound to worrying about other people’s opinions and other people’s perceptions.

Spellbound to an illness that dictated my life.

Spellbound to hiding my gifts for fear of being too bold or too big. Or the fear of appearing too smart or not smart enough.

Spellbound to not knowing what my true magic really was.

My insides were wrapped up in anxiety. My gut couldn’t take it any more. I was sick with anxiously trying to control every single detail of my life.

It had been a lifetime in the making.

Learning just how nice girls behaved.

Being soft, and easy and afraid.

I was pretty. And cute. And nice. And warm. And boundary-less.

I was spellbound. To society. To the picture. To the dream I thought I desired.

I was spellbound until I realized, repetitively, that the rules just didn’t make sense.

I was taking medications for my autoimmune illness that my soul was screaming at me to stop.

I was living a fine life that I thought I had wanted, but my light wasn’t fully turned on. I dimmed my power, my magic, my boldness and my brightness to fit in.

I was worried about what the whole world thought of me as a person and especially as a mother. My kids didn’t get the best version of me because I was so wracked with anxiety when we were in public or with other people. My boys had big personalities and I was afraid to be seen as a bad mom.

I was in toxic relationships with some friends where I pretended to be a version of my self that I thought they would like. I metamorphosed myself into the version I perceived they wanted. I did the same in past romantic relationships.

I was walking a tight rope, trying desperately not to fall. Trying desperately not to falter.

Until one day I decided to fall off that damn tight rope and to figure out how to become boundless.

And then I made it my mission to support anyone who came into my realm to be boundless too.

My love, I am hosting a free masterclass next Wednesday and you are cordially invited.

Inside the Boundless Masterclass I am going to share with you the 9 Codes to Being and Becoming Boundless- Boundless so that you go to the depths that you desire to go. Boundless so that you connect with your unique magic and spark. Boundless so that you can magnetize love, friendship and wealth. Boundless so that you lead your mission with passion and zest. Boundless so that you do the things you desire to do- the things you’ve always dreamed in your soul of doing.

Expect to walk away with tools you can use immediately to become the you that feels grounded, inspired, passionate, confident and best of all, boundless. It will be a magical time together and you’ll have access to the replay too. And just a reminder, no matter if it’s a free masterclass or my high level 1:1 program, the quality of my offerings is the same. Also, I am sharing a super special, time limited gift with anyone who participates.

We meet next Tuesday, September 6th and I can't wait to see you in there. Save your spot here: https://bit.ly/boundlessmasterclass


Until next time, with love.


xo, Katherine



Often when I work with high powered women who are in long term relationships with men, they have a few grievances to share with me. Partnering and conducting life with another human being, no matter their sexual orientation is hard. But often, because we had such a different experience and different role models as we grew up, the heterosexual partnership can be challenging to navigate. The toxic stereotypes that were ingrained into our culture that we are currently uncovering can lead to arguments, grievances and divide. This happens particularly for women stepping into new arenas in their leadership. The cultural expectations shift when we do things that haven't been normally done. And, much to all of the dismay of every lady, we really can't do it all.


The issues that often come up in conversations with my clients revolve around partnering on finances, parental duties, house duties, time and schedules. And all of these arenas are challenging to navigate no matter what your life dynamic. But, what do you do when you come up against the same arguments and irritations again and again?


Here's my advice: You sit down and talk about it. A lot.


You don't fight about it. You talk about it. And, here's how you do that:


First. With your partner you set the stage for a healthy conversation. You say "Hey love, I have some things I'd like to chat with you about. Is now a good time, or can we make plans to chat soon?" (You never know what mental space some one is in, and offering to chat now in the moment or at a later date lets your partner tell you how they are doing and if now is a good time.)


Second. Talk about the issue from your perspective. Use your "I feel" statements. Say, "This is how I am feeling/experiencing {fill in what is happening}.


Third. Listen. Ask your love what's happening for them and what he needs. Maybe this is something that hasn't occurred to him before. Or, maybe he has found himself leaning back into old patterns that he knew as a kid. Maybe there are other things going on that you haven't considered yet. Ask him about what he needs moving forward.


Fourth. Ask for what you need. Offer solutions. Ask for your partner to be a partner. Be a partner to your partner. Be curious about any dynamics in your relationship that feel outdated or not really helpful to you.


Fifth. Do this often! Find time in your conversations to check in and talk about how things are going. You are in a working relationship and that means actively partnering on all the things that happen in your lives.


Sixth. Go do something fun! Spend time doing fun things together. You didn't get married because you wanted a business partnership (which those can be fun too). You got married because you wanted a life partner to share your life with. And part of your life is to have fun and enjoy each other's company.


And, while all of these steps feel like they are tied up with a nice little bow, remember that life is messy. Sometimes these conversations won't go well. It might happen that you will be firmly connected your stance and your husband will be to his. And occasionally you won't come to a conclusion during the first conversation. Don't give up on figuring out how to make it work together.


Here's to healthy partnerships, leaders.


With love,

Katherine






There's lots of secrets to better sex, actually. Physical intimacy, while not rocket science, can be a process of figuring ourselves and our partners out. It takes play and a willingness to be open to trying different things (even if you've been playing together for a while) to keep things sparkly.


But, I believe the secret to better sex first starts with how we feel about our bodies. Which, is a complicated thing because there are so many layers to body love to uncover.


We have to uncover all of the paradigms that keep us from loving our bodies before we can truly dig in deep. Like, the paradigm that tells us that power lies in beauty. We either subscribe to that, or we don't- but either way we land can be detrimental. If we subscribe to the paradigm that power lies in beauty, we could spend our whole lives keeping up with others, forcing ourselves to fit into clothes and boxes that keep us small. We could forget that there is so much power in our voice and our thoughts and only rely on our beauty. Or, if we consciously push against that paradigm, we could go fully opposite and not take very good care of ourselves. We could over indulge in foods or drinks that aren't serving us all the while believing we are loving ourselves when actually we are not. For me, unconsciously I've been on both ends of spectrum and it's taken me a while to figure out how to let the paradigm go completely, while also investing in how I look, because it's important to me.


Or, what about the virgin/whore paradigm that keeps us confused. Are we supposed to be a virgin or a whore? What are mothers supposed to do? What if we are not young anymore? How do we fit into the world when we have been and are given so many mixed messages throughout our lifetime.


It can be tricky work to uncover all of the layers of societal and cultural norms to get down to loving our temples. And even more so, to love our temples so that we can have better sex.


There's a saying out there, and I'm not sure who coined it, but it goes like this: "You can't heal a body you hate." Well, I would say the same about pleasure. You can't fully feel physical pleasure with another human being if you hate your body. I honestly don't think it's possible. If you hate your body (or just are critical of it) you likely will spend the whole time with another person thinking about or trying to maneuver your body in ways to hide what you don't like. You could be focused on what your partner is thinking about your body (when they are likely just really into the whole moment, really.) You could let all of your feelings and thoughts about your body dictate how little or how much you actually are "in" your body when you are lovemaking.


So, how do you love your body more? I've got a few ideas for you....


Treat your body like a temple.


Fuel your body with the best ingredients you can afford. Find out what foods serve you and what foods don't serve you. Generally speaking, processed and fast food can be no good for your body. And, don't forget what you drink! Drinks can be laden with ingredients that just aren't great for us.


Focus on getting fabulous sleep. If sleep is something that is super challenging for you, get my free Fabulous Sleep Guide.


Dry brush and anoint your body with lotions and oils. Start with a dry brush session where you brush your skin with a bristle brush. Then take a luxurious bath or shower. Finish with anointing your body with oils or lotion. And, then if you are going to bed, put on a dreamy pair of pajamas or nightie.


Talk to your body. Tell your body how much you love it and how grateful you are for it. Think about all the amazing things your body has done for you.


Wear clothes that feel good and uplift you. There are well fitting clothes for any size out there and for any budget out there. Spend a little time and money on clothes that highlight the things you love about your body.


Focus on your own pleasure. Spend a little time getting to know your erogenous zones and what works for you orgasmically.


Forgive yourself for any harm you've done to your body. What's in the past is in the past. Now is the time to focus on your present and future self.


Do the healing work you body requires. Whether you have experienced physical, mental or even emotionally trauma, you body stores all of it. Do the healing body work with energy healing, chakra work, reiki, massage, physical therapy, psychotherapy... whatever you require.


Let your lover marvel at your body. Your lover is into you. Let him/her/they spend time enjoying you.



There are so many ways you can work on your relationship with your body, and these ideas will get you started. I have a feeling if you spend some time loving your body, your sex life will get even better than it has been before.


With love,

Katherine












Katherine Phifer

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