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letters from katherine



To Flourish:

(a) to be in a vigorous state; thrive: a period in which art flourished.

(b) to be in its or in one's prime; be at the height of fame, excellence or influence.

 

I woke up one morning this week with the word "flourish" right there waiting for me. I'd been asking myself, the Universe and my spiritual squad what it was that I was searching for. (My spiritual squad is a combination my higher power, my spirit guides and my higher self.) And the word flourish flowed into my mind within minutes of consciousness. "Yes. That's it." I thought. "I want to flourish. I am on the path to flourishing. I am completely ready to fully flourish." This combined with some deep soul work I have been doing, and I knew that this was what I was meant to be sharing.


Last week I talked about what it means to be a Whole Leader (you can read that post HERE). Now, I want to take it a step further and talk about flourishing.


For over a decade I did all the things. I mean all of them. Mother-ing, wife-ing, live-ing with chronic illness, supervise-ing, business-ing, therapist-ing, coach-ing, lead-ing.


Over and over I would rise and then I’d fall. I would have moments of pure connectedness in my life and then something would happen. I'd have a Crohn's flare up. Or I would get sick. Or I would have some mystery exhaustion and crash. Or, there would be some drama at work and I would feel completely gutted from it.


The twins were wild and free and big lovers of life. I constantly worried that they would climb the kitchen cabinets and jump off like Superman. I was doing what was expected as a modern woman. I was doing "all the things." I loved my life, but I was stuck in the challenge of trying to do it all. After years of crashing, I realized it just wasn't sustainable anymore. I wasn't flourishing.


And then I started to notice the same patterns in my friends and clients. We were all doing all the things. We were all hustling. We were all managing so much. None of us were really flourishing.


My mission is to change how we do our lives and how we empower others with our own flourish-ment. My mission is to rally all of us to live and lead from a place of grounded soul. My mission is for all of us to take our power back. To take our flow back. To take our fun back.


In my mind, to flourish is to feel completely abundant. To feel like we are on our own unique path. To look around and not feel like we are in a slog, or in a constant cycle of rising and falling.


And we do that by shifting how we approach our days, our roles and our work. We do that by taking back our time, by allowing ourselves grace. We do it by changing the current system that says we must do all the things.


I'm starting a revolution of Flourishing, Whole Leaders. Want to join the movement? Check out my free five day event starting March 1st, 2021: The Flourishing Leader Affair. I'd love to see you in there.


With love,


Katherine xx




 




If you are a CEO, a business owner, a leader inside of a large corporation, a counselor, a coach, a therapist, a wellness provider, an influencer, a mother, a parental figure, a grandparent... really, anyone who has accepted the invitation to support people or guide people... welcome to the leadership club! On a grand level or on an intimate level, you change people's lives.


Often, leadership is taught to be product driven and focused. Leadership focuses on the product of the leader's work. For example, the product of a influencer on YouTube would be engagement on the platform, which then results in financial compensation. The product of a wellness provider would be the client's positive shifts in health and wellbeing.


Today, I'd like to invite you to a new way of seeing, being and engaging in life as a leader. The Whole Leader Model focuses primarily on the leader, while also valuing the product.


Whole leadership is an embodiment concept, including the leader's mind, body and soul as well as the leader's mission. This concept honors the entire leader, instead of what the leader is leading. The people, concepts and missions in which she is tasked to lead is only a part of the whole- but not the whole itself.


Often in the societies we live, we naturally adopt a sacrifice mindset when it comes to leadership. This idea perpetuates the viewpoint that a leader must sacrifice one important thing over another. Instead, the Whole Leader model honors all of the parts of the whole. A CEO can also be a rested, healthy mother. A business owner doesn't have to choose between her time and energy. A a supervisor can examine her biases while also showing up as a leader.


I can tell you countless stories from my own life and from other's where we felt as leaders we had to sacrifice something. In fact, on two very different occasions, in two different decades of my life, I've had two doctors fall asleep during my appointment. I'm not kidding. One was a gastroenterologist who was burning the midnight oil. Another was gynecologist and a new mother of twins. Both had valid, personal reasons for falling asleep on the job. They both were sacrificing sleep for life and work. And, in both cases, in my opinion, it wasn't necessary and was quite hazardous for the their jobs. (In both cases, I didn't ever see either doctor again, with a statement that I was worried about my level of care if they were falling asleep on the job.)


The Whole Leader Model focuses on the individual leader as the epicenter of the leadership role. There are three areas of a leader's life that the model focuses on: mind, body and soul. Everything starts with these three aspects of the leader's life. From there, her leadership mission, and the operations of her position start from a grounded place. She changes the world without shadowing another aspect of her life.


Here is how the three aspects of mind, body and soul influence the Whole Leader Model:


The Leader's Mind: The leaders mind is all about how a leader thinks, learns, grows, and changes. This includes mindset, thought processes and working through issues.


The Leader's Body: The leader's vessel for leadership is all about the body. This is where the leader's energy lies. This is how the leader taps into her power on a visceral level.


The Leader's Soul: This is the leader's connection to spirit. Most leaders have some sort of divine connection and reason for their calling. A leader co-creates with her spiritual connections in order to impact on a scale.


I will be sharing much more about The Whole Leader Model over the next weeks, but as we move into a new way of seeing and being in leadership, I'd like to invite you to explore the three aspects above. Grab your journal and answer the following questions:


  1. How do I support my mind, body and soul on a daily basis?

  2. What gets in my way in supporting these three aspects on a daily basis?

  3. What do I feel like I don't have enough of, or what do I need, when it comes to the three aspects?

  4. How would my leadership role shift as I fully immerse myself into filling my cup fully in each of the mind, body and soul levels?

As you shift your perspective of leadership, it may bring up some big things for you. Honor yourself, be in the work.


As always, I am sending my love!


Katherine xx


PS. I just re-opened my free Facebook group, The Whole Leader Community. I'd love for you to join! Here's a link to request access: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wholeleadercommunity







There's a fine, ambiguous line between coaching and therapy, and people sometimes ask me now that I have professionally worked as both, what's the difference?


What are the role definitions? When do you hire a coach and when do you seek therapy? As a professional, when would it be appropriate to refer to the other? And, how can things get murky fast when it comes to safety and coaching?


I was recently talking with a friend of mine, who like me is both a coach and a therapist. The question of boundaries within the professions came up. After we got off Zoom, I remembered that I wrote a post about this a couple of years ago, and it was really helpful. I couldn't find it in my archives- so for anyone who read that post, this is all new. This article isn't a short read, but whether you are a coach, a therapist or someone who is thinking about hiring a guide to support your journey, this article will answer some questions about the professions.


My professional background includes a Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling and Art Therapy and over a decade working as a psychotherapist in crisis stabilization settings. I was a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Alaska, and still carry my art therapy credentials (ATR). When I decided to pursue coaching as career, I studied with a coaching academy to understand the difference between the two fields so that I wasn't inadvertently doing therapy with my new coaching clients.


Let me preface this article with the statement that the information here is derived from my experiences as both a coach and a therapist. While each professional industry has flaws, I believe there is a reason to hire one or the other depending on the needs of the client. I write this article from a place of knowledge and professional opinion. If I say something that is triggering, I invite you to do your own research, thinking and work around it.


The Role of a Therapist

To break it down, a therapist is a professional who helps you work through deep layers of emotions, trauma, behaviors and past events to heal and find a clearer way forward. In the United States, a therapist goes through extensive education and training. Typically this includes a four year bachelor's degree that reflects a set amount of credits in psychology, and a two year master's degree with 1500 hours of field training (some specialized degrees may require more, this was the training required for me). A person can pursue further specific training to receive their PhD, but it is not required to be a therapist. A therapist is not trained to administer medications, that is the job of a psychiatrist who has a medical degree.


After education, depending on what kind of training the therapist received, approximately 2,000 to 4,000 hours (about two years) of supervised work is required to receive a state license (in the USA). Then, over the lifespan of a licensed therapist‘s career, she or he is required to maintain a set amount of continuing education hours. Also, in my opinion, a healthy therapist will have professional support by continuing to seek supervision from a group or another liscensed therapist.

A therapist might also be trained in art therapy, music therapy (or any of the expressive therapies) EMDR, hypnotherapy and other modalities to safely support the client to heal, change and grow. For me, my master's degree included both Mental Health Counseling and Expressive Therapies with a Specialization in Art Therapy (that's a mouthful, believe me) and my work allowed me to not only work as psychotherapist but also an art therapist.


The Role of a Coach

A coach, on the other hand, is a professional that takes both her/his life experience and educational experiences to support a client to achieve a specific goal in a certain time frame. Credentials, degrees and a specific amount of training aren‘t required for coaches, however, good ones usually have some kind of combination of life and educational background to lean on inside their work.

Coaches support clients around all kinds of topics, and usually combine strategy and mindset work with actionable steps for a client to reach a desired goal. For example, a person might hire a health coach to implement health and well being focused strategies into her or his life. Or one might pursue a business coach to reach certain professional milestones. A relationship coach is great for working on personal goals to attract in a healthy partner, or to become a healthy partner themselves.


As a coach, I have had a number of clients work with me after they have been in therapy. A few have said that the coaching work that they did with me included results that they just didn't see while they were in therapy. While I feel good when I hear that, I tell my clients that their work with me wouldn't really be successful without their work in therapy.



The Line Between Coaching and Therapy

I believe that both coaching and therapy can be extraordinarily healing, but I also believe there’s fine line between what kind of processing occurs in the coaching setting versus a therapy one. Both coaching and therapy work can be quite deep and transformative. And here is where the line between the difference of therapy and coaching can get murky.


A therapist is well trained over a timespan of years on how to handle deep, emotional work while also being cognizant of safety. A therapist also invests in support to do this kind of work so that they do not cause harm.


For example, let's say a therapist and client are doing some deep trauma work inside a therapy session. During this session, the client becomes triggered, begins to speak of unsafe things and starts having a difficult time dealing with her or his emotions. The therapist has the knowledge and training to best support the client, even if that means referring the client to the emergency department for an assessment or a recommendation for a more restricted level of care.


Because of the structure of the system, including a support network, licenses and insurance, a therapist naturally has the built in support. There are so many ways that things can go wrong when working in a processing capacity, especially around mental health and trauma. A therapist's work is designed to support those issues in a way that keeps both the client and therapist safe.


In my opinion, if a coach is processing trauma or mental health issues with a client, a whole lot of things can go sideways fast. To start, the boundaries and structure of the client and coach relationship can be confusing, which could result in an unsuccessful outcome. And also, the work potentially could get out of control without the coach realizing it, knowing what to do next, or having the support to take the right next steps. Safety issues may occur that the coach isn't prepared for.


This is not to say that offering tools or strategies around healing and mindset shifts are off limits for a coach. No! I really believe some of the tools, strategies and insights offered by coaches are transformative. In my experience, coaches often offer meditations, EFT tapping, NLP techniques, personality reviews, journaling prompts, workshops and other helpful tools for their clients to successfully grow. (Side note here: I also highly recommend that coaches do their own self discovery work to understand how life events have effected their journey.)


But, if a coach is attempting to support deep healing in a way that she/he doesn't have extensive training, support and credentials in, she/he could cause much more harm than good. (When I say extensive training, I mean years.)


Not only is the integrity of the coach questioned in this kind of situation, but safety issues around suicidal ideation or self harm can occur. Legal issues could ensue from not having the training or supports in place if something unsafe happens.

And, to make matters even more confusing, if a client is seeking coaching but really his or her issues require the support of deep mental health or trauma processing, the coaching work can feel unsuccessful. It can be attractive for a client to seek coaching because that might mean she or he can bypass the uncomfortable stuff, but unfortunately that stuff still pops up if it isn't resolved.


The line can feel ambiguous, right? As a coach, therapist or client, how do you decide what is best for your situation?


The Boundaries

If you are a coach reading this, I recommend that you are clear with yourself and your clients about what your boundaries are regarding what you talk about, and how you talk about it.


For example, while it may be appropriate to talk about where a belief or an unhelpful mindset started and got locked into a person's psyche, it is not appropriate to do any kind of mental health or trauma processing work without years of training or professional background. It is also not appropriate to do this work if you are a therapist but have been hired to act as a coach.


If, as a coach, you find yourself in a situation where you know it is outside your scope of practice or job requirements, I recommend pausing the coaching work and referring your client to pursue therapy. (I offer a list of reasons therapy might be appropriate for referral below.) I also recommend creating structures and boundaries at the beginning of every coaching relationship you have. You can do this in your coaching contract, in what you discuss in your sessions and how you best support your client.


Even more so, if you are like I am, both a therapist and a coach, it’s your job to know what the structure, boundaries and roles are around the services you provide. If a client is paying you to be their coach, the services you provide need to reflect coaching and not therapy. If the boundaries are not clear, the structure of your work can be confusing to you and unhelpful to your client. Perhaps no damage will be done, but there's a good amount of risk involved.


If you are a therapist and your work with your client feels like it can transition to more goal oriented tasks, I recommend referring your client to a coach. Networking with coaches can be incredibly powerful, and there are so many impactful and successful coaches out there with life changing programs and offers. I list a few ways a client might pursue coaching below.


And, if you are seeking coaching or therapy for yourself, but aren't sure which way to go, it may be as easy as asking your intuition what is best for you. A couple years ago I was dealing with a bit of depression and anxiety that I just couldn't put my finger on. I couldn't figure out why I felt the way I did, and I wasn't feeling better. So, I found a therapist. My intuition told me I needed therapy and not coaching in that situation. And I was right, I had some deep healing work that needed to be done with a safe, trained therapist. At other times, I have wanted support around my money mindset and my health and well being. That's when I looked for coaches.


Reasons to Find a Therapist or a Coach:


I recommend seeking therapy for situations around the following:


Working through anxiety or depression.

Ongoing issues that just don't seem to be resolved (but you just can't put your finger on what it is.)

Marital work.

Childhood or adult trauma.

Parent/Child Conflict.

When kids experience ongoing behavioral issues.

Grief and loss.

Unresolved relationship issues.

(And so much more... this is just a brief list).


And coaching can be great for:


Abundance strategies.

Money mindset.

Managing life.

Career transitions.

Business strategies and goals.

Leadership strategies and goals.

Health goals.

Attracting a healthy partner.

Self love and self care.

Parenting strategies.

(And much more as well!)


Thank you so much for taking the time to read this article. I hope no matter where you are in your life and journey, this was helpful.


Warmly,


Katherine xx








Katherine Phifer

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